I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
