Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
