wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
