He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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