singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
