you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
