This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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