I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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