.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
