remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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