it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
