Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
