Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
