Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
