how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize