and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
