turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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