After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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