Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
