The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
