I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
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I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
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you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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