omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The best revenge is premature balding
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
