Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
