I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
