you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
