I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
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