careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
