I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
