you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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