What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
