I love black thongs
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
