mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
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I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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