I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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