Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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