Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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