God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
