he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I need a beard to bite.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
