Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
NoShamevember. You game?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
