We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
