He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you will always have a special place in my vag
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
