Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
