Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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