All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
His nipple licking is glorious
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