I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
