Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
