He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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