If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
