You made me cry and you don't even care
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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