oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
