fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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