just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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