I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
