You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
