so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
