She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
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My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
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strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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