told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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