i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
