I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
