Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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