come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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