I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
