24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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