yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
