He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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