I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
