so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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