o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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