Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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