never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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